I obey, therefore I am.

The last two weeks of school were a vast contrast to each other. The first week I was crying and miserable and seriously considering running away to a deserted island. The second week I was confident, serene, content.

The difference? Prayer and a chameleon.

No joke.

I learned last week that being who you are and letting God fill in the gaps is the best way to succeed at something you are struggling with. I was trying too hard to be a "good" teacher. I was stressed beyond my sanity because of all the homework to be graded, all the worksheets to write, all the parent meetings to have. You don't discipline fairly, says one parent. You don't discipline enough, says another. No one is happy. 

Oh by the way, I am also the only teacher failing students at mid-quarter grade time. Great. 

I felt trapped. Like I was doomed to become that frumpy old maid lady teacher with 50 cats and no life, other than grading, grading, grading for eternity. And not only did I feel trapped, but trapped in a job I really wasn't good at. As a firstborn, this simply will not do. If I am going to be trapped, at least let it be something I am good at so I feel like I achieved something at the end of the day.

But that was two weeks ago. And after that week was over and I went home and rested, I decided to go to a reptile show. Yes, that was on my list of relaxing weekend To Do's. And as I pulled into the parking lot, I turned around and almost left, because parking cost $5, and the convention cost $10, and really, what normal female goes to a reptile convention by herself dressed in lavender plaid and heels and make-up straight from church?

Apparently I do.

Because I found free parking at the hotel next door, and I marched my heels inside and paid $10 and entered a room full of bearded dragons and tarantulas and boas and cobras, and I went in search of a chameleon. 

Now to be fair, I had wanted a chameleon because of that Disney movie Tangled that came out a couple years ago (Rapunzel has a little chameleon pal named Pascal), which is not entirely....unfeminine. I mean, who doesn't want what a Disney princess has, right? (Please imagine the snarky smile accompanying this sentence.)

But I had heard chameleons are expensive and difficult to care for, so I really entered the lair of scales to find someone who could answer my questions about the creatures. It was the perfect place. I had to smile, because despite my naturalist tendencies (ok, obsessions), including my famous love for insects, I am still pretty vain, and not the kind of girl to dress in khaki hiking shorts all the time with no mascara on, ever. And I don't have tattoos covering half my body.

So I kind of stood out. 

Now, I refuse to judge people who don't like wearing anything but leather and Patagonia, but I also firmly believe that in years past the culture has given girls the impression they shouldn't like animals, and nature in general (unless it's something furry and cute like pandas--even though, ironically, pandas are vicious), because nature is dirty and scary, and you can't interact with the outdoors unless you are dirty and/or scary, too. So, in an attempt to dispel this silly notion, I have made it a small part of my mission as a teacher to wear trendy, attractive clothing intermingled with my normal scary hippie wear to reassure the young ladies that it's ok to love science and still wear nail polish. 

Sidenote.

Anyway, I talked to a lady who had this really cool chameleon sitting on her shoulder, looking all Disney-pal-ish, and I got some tips from them, including some prices, which were definitely out of my range, and then I continued my wanderings. Not too long afterwards, I came across another chameleon. 

He was $20.

He was $20, because he was missing his tail. Apparently, his litter mate thought his tail was lunch, and it hadn't quite healed over right, even though the incident happened 8 months ago. I talked to the guy and his son for a long time, and asked them all about chameleon care, and long story short, after taking a walk around the rest of the joint, and praying for wisdom in the bathroom, I decided to go for it. I bought my little special-needs lizard, and his cage, for a total of $50, when most chameleons cost at least $75-$100. As a bonus, the guy threw in some Madagascar hissing cockroaches for free--since I was a teacher. 

Now, to his credit, the guy was a Christian, and he warned me that the little guy might not make it, and that I could call him if I noticed anything weird happening. But let's be honest--I was a little gullible for buying a tiny chameleon with a scabby tail just because he was discounted. I probably looked like a sucker, all dressed up for Sunday service, full of compassion for cute 'lil animals. Yup, pretty much.

But I knew that chameleon was from the Lord. And when I got in my car and started driving, I laid hands on  that box, and asked the Lord very seriously to heal him--literally asked him to divide the cells of his tail to cover over the end of it. I asked because I knew that that lizard was part of something bigger--part of my ministry to these students.

And I'll be darned if when I got home and took him out of the box his tail wasn't fully healed. The scab was gone, and the tip was white, like the tail of his also unfortunate sibling, which the guy said was fully healed over. 

God healed a chameleon that Sunday.

And that Monday, I went in to work, and everything was different. First of all, it was different, because I prayed for the Lord to teach for me and be my sufficiency. And He was. And every day after that He was, too, because I just kept praying for Him to come through for me and teach. And all the animals in my classroom--my skink, my corn snake, my chameleon (whom I dubbed Pascal--I just couldn't help it), and my box turtle, and my hissing cockroaches--they have all been used by the Lord to bring joy and enthusiasm to my classroom, both to me, and my students.

I had a shy little girl whose dad was murdered beg me to hold the snake so she could conquer her fear of them. 

I had students whom I normally don't have any connection with sign up to be on the animal care team. 

And every day last week, I kept praying for the Lord to work, for Him to minister, for Him to have His will.

And it's funny how, when I was finally doing something I was passionate about--something that is so ME--that's when the joy and the connections and the ministry took off. 

So what if I wear dresses and hold giant insects in my hand and think that sleeping chameleons are absolutely adorable?

That's who God made me, and being genuine has helped me be a far better science teacher than did all the worksheets and perfect lesson plans I was trying to achieve before.

As it turns out, part of true obedience to God is walking in the identity He gives us. And He blesses it.

So....who are you?