James 1:5-8

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

I used to think this passage was speaking of doubting solely in the sense of doubting God's ability to answer our prayers. Then I wondered how it was that some prayers were still answered even though James clearly says that a doubting pray-er won't receive a thing. After all, when Peter was arrested in Acts 12, the believers prayed for his release fervently, then scoffed at the servant girl who told them he was at the door.

Maybe the problem lies more in doubting what we want.

That seems strange even to me, when I actually put it down in words. But the other week, I prayed for something very firmly, and I don't think I was doubting God's ability to answer at all, but when I got a very obvious email in my inbox that seemed to confirm exactly what I had been asking the Lord, I doubted. I felt peace for maybe five minutes, then I was a storm-tossed wave on the sea.

How can a doubting man suppose that he will receive from the Lord, when he doesn't know what he wants to receive?

Somehow, I think that if I had really wanted what I prayed for, I would have been relieved to get that email. Instead, I am full of fear. Granted, Satan hates it when God's people are running after His desires. He probably put most, if not all, of those doubts in my head. But I don't know what I want.

Well, that's not entirely true. I know what I want more than anything, but it has not been given to me. So really, what I don't know is what I want instead. I don't know what to pray for.

I guess that's where He wants me. He wants me to ask Him what HE wants, instead of what I want. If I don't know what I want, then I guess I shouldn't pray about it...that somehow seems to be the cause of all the wave-tossing.

If I ask what He wants, He'll tell me. And He has no doubts about it.