Nihilism confessed

If unity with God is the greatest reality, and His work in salvation, adoption, sanctification, and glorification is ultimately drawing human beings out of the dark gloom of separation that sin and depravity have cast them into, then it should not be surprising that Satan’s strategy is to draw as many lines of demarcation between the Christian and the Trinity as possible. In my own life, there have been countless days--fairly often, I must confess, in the past year--where I have felt that absolutely nothing in life can hold my interest; everything seems dull; nothing seems enchanting beyond reckoning, not even love. This frightening lack of meaning in existence has only ever been put to flight when my heart has been re-centered on God’s will, often through a gracious (and unexpected--how often I doubt His power!) demonstration of His faithfulness to me, like an answer to prayer or a sudden small blessing. The hardest times to combat my personal battles with nihilism are the days when God hides His face, and I have to use every ounce of mental strength I have--or is it purely the Holy Spirit's movement?--to do the "right thing," even if it seems pointless. Praise God for the moments He does grant impulsive happiness along with the chosen joy I struggle to conjure within my rebellious and restless spirit.